Monthly Archives: December 2013

Year in Review – December 2013

Picture 14

And that brings us all to today, December 2013. When “Year of Luigi” was extended, people are still talking about “Obamacare” and I downed my holiday blues with cupcakes and hot chocolate…

Amazon showed off some experimental new technology with something called “Amazon Prime Air” in which a drone will come to your house, wiretap your conversations, possibly shoot your dog as a possible intruder, and deliver your bluray copy of “Argo” in 30 minutes or less. Just imagine this with Pizza… Pizza Drones…. Wave of the Future, I say!

Rebecca Black also had a revival of her career at the end of this year. As she gave a “sequel” to her hit “Friday”, called, of course, “Saturday”. She pokes fun at the original video, while creating a new song that will get stuck in your head for a while, before you ultimately forget about it.

Anchorman 2 was released, after weeks of viral videos of Ron Burgundy (Will Farrel) going to a local news station to report the news, getting his own whisky/scotch blend, ice cream flavor and interviewing Payton Manning at ESPN.

The Hobbit 2 was also released in theaters, The shortest book in The Lord of the Rings Saga, ends up with a three-part movie, so in the event that you missed this movie, it’s okay, the third one will bring it all together. Also, see it in REAL-D IMAX 3D with Roku, for the ultimate Hobbit Adventure, while consuming delicious breakfast items at Denny’s.

HOBBIT HOLE

LET ME SEE YOUR HOBBIT HOLE… OKAY

Shia LaBeouf wrote and directed a short film, that ended up being eerily similar to some comic panel and as he put it on Twitter “I fucked up”

Year in Review – November 2013

NOVEMBER

IN NOVEMBER, THE BIGGEST DUAL OF THEM ALL HAPPENED

On one corner, Microsoft’s Third Console… the Xbox One. With it’s sleek design and library of games like… Call of Duty and Madden and it’s ability to watch television (if you hook it up to your cable box) it’s the ultimate entertainment machine. XBOX GO!

And in the other corner, Sony’s Fourth Console… The Playstation 4. With a library of games like… Call of Duty and Madden and it’s ability to stream games to your friends and pretty much make every game you want to play, a “Let’s Play”. Playstation is giving you a game console, and nothing else.

Two consoles, launched a week between each other. One with a $399 price tag, the other with a $499 price tag. And a lackluster game library… it’s too close to call who will win this “console war”. Probably because it doesn’t really matter that much.

Cartoon Network debuted the cartoon series “Steven Universe” about The Crystal Gems, and their partner Steven as they go save the world in various situations each week. It’s a cute show, and the writing for Steven is great, he isn’t a “dumb kid” or a “silly kid”, he’s pretty much just a kid… and my favorite thing about November.

Twitter also decided to go Public, so you can invest in 140 characters or less tweets like this:

THANKS FOR YOUR MONEY, SUCKERS!

And if you were a teenager, you were probably excited about THE HUNGER GAMES : CATCHING FIRE. The exciting sequel to that movie based off the reality show “Capture”. This time around The Katniss Returns for another game of life and death… or hopeless love… or some mix of both. May the odds be ever in your favor, at getting into this movie opening weekend.

Speaking of unsalable merchandise at Hot Topic… HAPPY 50 YEARS DOCTOR WHO! As they celebrated 50 years on the air by having every doctor except Christopher Eccleston showing up… considering he was my favorite… I didn’t watch it….

Call of Duty: Ghosts was released to the world, and all those fun consoles… including the ability to play as a dog… DOG GAME!

Oh and speaking of Ghost Dogs, Brian Griffin was killed off on Family Guy… WHICH MUST HAVE BEEN WORSE THAN THE DEATH OF NELSON MANDELA (which occurred shortly afterwards, but unfortunately, Brian came back after three weeks)

TWERK JERK

And finally “Twerk” was added to the Oxford Dictionary, and thus the downfall of civilization finally begins. I blame you, Miley Cyrus.

Year in Review – October 2013

OCTOBER

In October, EVERYBODY WAS PANICKING AND IN HYSTERIA!!!

We were in the middle of a US GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN, so National Parks were closed and 24 Hour News Cycles were blaming each other, which was funny.

The biggest thing that happened in the month of October was the movie Gravity. While October is notorious for horror movies, the last few years of “found-footage jumpscares” and uses of blood and prosthetic make-up, it’s about time that there was a horror movie based on a psychological fear – being lost in the universe with nobody to help you. It was the best thing about October…

In October, Newsnight’s own Jeremy Paxman talked to comedian Russell Brand about governments and voting. Instead of the usual comedy banter, Russell got really serious and talking about his Utopian dynasty.

SyFy Channel debuted their new reality series “Heroes of Cosplay” in which producers would edit things around to make it seem like people who sew shit that resembles cartoon characters was “exciting and dramatic” and that people around these people were “villains” and “bitchy”. It annoyed people, but who cares, they got their 15 minutes of fame.

Ellen Page and Willem Dafoe star in “Beyond : Two Souls” a movie, that’s a game, that has cut-scenes like a movie, but controls like a video game…. but it’s dramatic like a movie… but it has quick time events like a game… but actual movie stars… in a video game…

Or you were trying to “Catch Em All” in Pokemon X/Y. Now with 12,300 pokemon to collect, and a new type – Fairy… which has jigglypuff… and that’s all that matters. Once you get Jigglypuff, why even bother playing.

Do you like pirates or do you like Ninjas? Well with Assassin’s Creed 4 : Black Flag. You get to play a pirate, with the stealth-like assassinations of a ninja. So, I guess both. With amazing pirate ship battles and shark punching, it’s pretty much the only game you could probably get on your next-gen console to enjoy “a bit more”, not that it would change that much.

And let’s not forget about Thor : Dark World, the sequel to Thor and ANOTHER thing post-Avengers movie. This time, we see Thor in Asguard, and Loki being cute and sexy according to Tumblr, despite being a murderer that almost destroyed New York in the Avengers movie… THERE IS THAT HAMMER AND CREATURES AND TRAILERS FOR OTHER SUPERHERO MOVIES, SO WHATEVER

Chris Hardwick managed to actually make an American Panel Game Show with “@midnight” based around social networking websites as comedians tell “jokes” in the hopes of being “the funniest personĀ  in the world for the next 23 hours”. You might be saying “wait isn’t he picking on nerds, even though he’s a nerdist” and the short answer to that is “yeah, but welcome to NERD CULTURE 2013” #Butts

And then over in England, they had premiered a show called “Sex Box” in which, get this, couples have sex in a box… and then talk about sex… talk about experimental television! Unfortunately, or fortunately, you didn’t actually SEE the sex actually happen, maybe because pornography already exists on the internet, or maybe because Channel 4 was worried people would masturbate to the whole thing.

Year in Review – September 2013

SEPTEMBER

September raised a ton of questions.

And there was nothing that were more questions per minute than NBC’s Million Second Quiz. Questions like “What are the rules again?” “What just happened?” and “What else is on?”. Ryan Seacrest would ask questions in “bouts” that last a couple hundred seconds, then he does it again, and again, and again. Strangely, that was not as annoying as what else was available…

Everybody was covering their ears, cringing, or laughing along as one Ylvis Presley questioned audiences with “What Does the Fox Say?” But there was one animal that we never heard from…

Katy Perry, famous for playing Smurfette in the Smurfs movie showed us how she was a champion and you are gonna hear her roar-or-or-or-or OR-OR-OR-OR…not.

Because everybody was rather talking about Miley Cyrus… again. This time at the VMAs twerking with the Blurred Lines guy… it was almost like everything was leading up to this… twerking, blurred lines and stunned audience members.

As she came in like a wrecking ball… get it? I just referenced her song, even though this is two events that happened in the same month involving Miley Cyrus. SHE WAS NAKED ON A WRECKING BALL, I CAN’T COMPLAIN.

The “Twerk Train” continued as Jimmy Kimmel, famous for his show “The Tonight Show with David Letterman” showed to the world that a “FAIL VIDEO” orchestrated months ago, was actually just a prank that he pulled on the world.

And ABC debuted “Marvel’s Agents of Es, Ayche, Eye, Eee, El, Dee” an action show… with mild action. A superhero show… without superheroes. And a crime drama… without the crime or drama. You wonder are you still watching this because Coulsen still lives or because you are holding on your love of the Avengers movie or because you forget Arrow is on?

And we visited Los Santos in “Grand Theft Auto 5”, the fastest selling video game in the world. You have to wonder how many of those sales are people who aren’t “M for Mature”. In a first for the series you get to play as three people at the same time. An old guy, A black guy, and a Psychopath. You can steal cars, and run over people, so some things never change.

Unless you were talking to almost everybody on September 25th, in which BREAKING BAD ENDED. Don’t spoil how the show about the guy with lung cancer who dealt meth for five seasons ends… please don’t… oh it’s the obvious answer? okay. It was the best thing about September.

Michael J Fox returned to television with “The Michael J Fox Show”, but he didn’t play “Michael J Fox”, but he did play a guy with Parkinson’s Disease, and while they were good-natured jokes. You don’t know if you were supposed to laugh, cry, or cringe…

And Cedric the Entertainer was the new host of Millionaire, and he was PUDDIN’ IN YO BANK some money. It’s not necessarily “Steve Harvey Feud” but it is a fun show to watch, with funny contestants and funny host. It’s a show with personality.

Year in Review – August 2013

AUGUST

In August, the summer months float away, and people get depressed because school was supposed to start for them. Bummed out, so was the amount of selection of things that happened this month…

August was a month that I think we could all probably forget. Where there was barely anything to do, except maybe play video games such as Ducktales : Remastered. Which lets you play the original NES ducktales, but with the thrill of voice acting!

People were playing Saints Row IV, a game that’s broken… but broken in a fun way. From gliding to shooting fireballs it was generally just a “fun game to play”.

John Madden Football, celebrated it’s 25th Anniversary this year. And that’s pretty much the only reason I am bringing it up right now. 25 Years of Madden… and it’s sick ambulance footage.

And DiveKick came out in which all you do is press either a “Dive” or “Kick” button in an effort to “Divekick” onto your opponent. It’s that simple, it’s that addictive. It’s that fun.

The World’s End came out in theaters and was probably the most entertaining Summer Movie I saw. It was the best thing about August.

Do you like Video Games? Do you like the sound of a guy swallowing his own tongue for 13 minutes? And saying “PEEEEEWWWWWDEEPIE” then you should be excited because PewDiePie became the most subscribed channel on YouTube… beating out Smosh. But they have their own magazine, so WHO CARES?

And because there was really nothing else that happened that was funny or exciting to explain… Area 51 was finally acknowledged by the United States Government.

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