Grand Theft Auto VFive was an overrated video game that people bought.

BUY ME BONESTORM OR GO TO HELL

I will admit it, the first time I played Grand Theft Auto – I was probably 8 or 9. It was for the Playstation One and it had a top down screen where you stole cars and shot people. My favorite part was KILLLLL FRENZY

I never felt the urge to steal a car or fire at a crowd of people in real life. Eventually, I played GTA3 in Middle School, you wouldn’t believe the amount of jokes that flew over my head. Same with Vice City and San Andreas.

Then GTA 4 showed up, and I was bored. It was such a decent simulation of actual driving when I had to pay fares and end up in traffic. So much so, I stopped playing it after 2 hours.

SO WHY IN GODS NAME DID I DECIDE TO BUY GTA 5?

Well, for starters – I was probably doing so for novelties sake? I was thinking this game wouldn’t be like any of the other GTA games, and in hindsight – I was right. But many of the problems I have with this came also came from GTA 4.

Grand Theft Auto V-Five is the game that both adults and kids who pretend to be adults or whine to their adult parents to buy for them that is sweeping the world. It’s such a sought-after game, that people impersonated police officers just to get a copy “in advance”. Dumbasses.

But I too am one of those dumbasses that bought this game. I tried my best to avoid spoilers (thanks Let’s Player assholes) and I also tried to limit my knowlege about the game before buying it. At this rate, just because the game is called “Grand Theft Auto” doesn’t mean I should buy it.

BUUUUTTTTT…

It is better than Grand Theft Auto 4. It’s not as good as San Andreas, and personally not as fun as Saints Row IV this year. But it deserves merit for trying a bunch of new things in the familar open-world sandbox.

For starters, three main characters that each tell a different story. Michael wants to do what’s best for the family, but his hot temper gets in the way. Franklin wants to get out of doing crimes to get money, but meeting Michael, he continues. And Trevor, he’s a psychopath that does shit just for enjoyment.

The familar tropes of GTA return, and it’s embodied in these characters. However, as the story progresses – I started giving less of a fuck about the characters and the need to care about them has stopped. TV Shows like “Breaking Bad” in which the villian is the lead character, you still have something to connect with him. You may find 1-2 moments of connection, but then you are stuck driving in traffic for 4 miles to steal a car.

The game has GTA Online, but we are unclear about if it’ll ever show up. Considering that this is pretty much one of “the last games” for this console season. As PS4 and Xbox One are out in a couple months.

The good thing about this game, is it’s ability to replay missions, skip missions (if you get stuck) and having a Taxi pick you up and drive you to the destination of the mission (it’s recommended you “skip”, you may be paying more money. But it’s worth it. And Money is no object in this game)

Although I can’t care about the characters, I can also praise the writing for this game. Yes, GTA has matured as a series. But if you’re a kid wanting to play this because of it’s violence and name recognition. (Talking to you, teenage boys via XBOX LIVE). You will just be yelling “HOLY SHIT” at the explosions. Saints Row 2, 3 and 4 are much better games for you.

Grand Theft Auto is the equivalent of “The Godfather” or “Goodfellas”. Tons of violence and action, but the storyline is the only reason it’s held together. This holds true with this game, but I have fallen asleep holding a controller.

Also, my PS3 froze up a few times while playing it as it loaded up Los Santos.

Also, the autosave didn’t work once, and I had to redo three hours of missions.

But I will recommend it for having so many things to do in the game.

+2

 

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One thought on “Grand Theft Auto VFive was an overrated video game that people bought.

  1. This game sucks. Where to start? Oh I guess it doesn’t matter, let’s start with the shooting. The aiming is pretty bad, but what I really didn’t like was not being able to actually aim while driving without shooting. Also shooting-related, you can’t crouch without being stuck to an object, in cover. Lame. And giving only one character the ability to slip into “bullet time” was dumb. I get that they thought the idea of each character having their own “special skill” would make us think, “Wow, the characters really are unique!”, but gosh darn my objectivity – I saw through it. They do have the same fighting style and ability to drive all the same vehicles and shoot the same types of guns, after all.

    I am surprised you didn’t talk more about how the gameplay sucks (I really think it’s the worst aspect of this VIDEO GAME). Melee still sucks, parkour (running, jumping, climbing) still sucks. They could’ve taken a lesson in these things and so much more from Sleeping Dogs, which came out in 2012, but noooo… There are tons of great activities/features that were even in previous GTAs but not in this one. You can’t do emergency vehicle missions (police, ambulance, fire fighter), can’t buy safe houses, can’t enter that many buildings (not even the businesses you own!), can’t gamble in or even FIND an open casino, can’t set default ANYTHING (radio stations, vehicles, outfits), there’s no jetpack, no hydraulics, no nitrous, no dating, no gang wars/acquisition of territiories, collectibles give you practically no reward when you find them all, helicopter controls suck, the tank sucks (gets destroyed way too quickly), and the cop and wanted level system is certifiably broken. By this, I mean you get a one star wanted level (which is not always easy to lose) for stupid crap like accidentally bumping into someone on the sidewalk and the cops immediately start shooting to kill. You can’t kill someone with a silenced pistol miles away from the nearest would-be witness without the cops coming after you? Broken. Plus, they are just far too difficult while on foot – there is zero fun to be had in this game in terms of gunfights with the cops.

    Also, I have to say this is the most DISTURBING game I’ve ever played. Now, controversy has always been a part of what defines the GTA series. The name “Grand Theft Auto” says it all! Well… sort of. You see, I’m a seasoned GTA gamer and I’ve seen plenty of questionable content in the previous games. But even I was shocked and dismayed at the content in this one. The nudity and sex is way over the top. They shouldn’t even have nudity, much less a stripper mini-game. It was a complete waste of development time they could’ve been spending on improving on at least a couple of the aforementioned items. And what’s up with the overly explicit voiceovers if you hire a prostitute? Did they rip it straight out of a pornographic film? Sounds like it. Imagine telling the voice actor, “Okay, for this video game, we want you to seductively say ‘*** on my face'”… Hmmm, I think Rockstar has effectively admitted they’re just perverts with this installment. And that’s not even mentioning the torture mission, which forced the player to not just be violent but dwell on the suffering of the victim all up close and personal-like. It is here where the appeal is no longer “I like playing this game!” and more along the lines of “I like seeing this kind of thing happen”. Odd choices, Rockstar! Anything you need to tell us?

    The story sucks, IMO, and that’s mostly because I’m forced to play three pathetic little losers who can’t be respected in any way. They don’t seem to know who they are or who they want to be in life, and are at any rate not like the badasses we’ve seen in previous GTAs (most notably Tommy Vercetti and C.J.) Why anyone would want to play a loser in their GTA game is beyond me.

    Lastly, while I disagree with a lot of the critics saying that not having a female protagonist makes the game “sexist”, I would say much of the game works against feminism as an idea. And I would gladly chalk it up to satire… if I could just figure out what the “satire” is supposed to be ridiculing/attacking.

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