Jordan’s Guide to Television “Wars”.

It seems lately that Reality Television has grown into making “Wars” with just about everything. Before I give you a “How-To” guide, here are three shows I want to “pitch” to the big cable networks who might continue the trend of starting “Wars”.

Pawn Wars: You have “Hardcore Pawn” you have “Pawn Stars” and “Southern Pawn Stars”, but what if there was a show where instead of going to one pawn shop, you have multiple pawn shop owners bid on your item? Show is just like these, where someone brings in an item, someone ‘verifies’ if it’s legit, and then the pawn shops make bids on the item. “200”, “300” “350”. It’s Shark Tank meets these Pawn Shop shows. Everyone goes home a winner.

Bounty Wars: Dog The Bounty Hunter is over, but what hasn’t been done is a Bounty Hunter show where multiple people try and go after one person for the bounty. It’s a highly competitive, and would be interesting to watch how different people go after the same person. New Technology vs Old Detective Skills? Is it for the money, or for the justice served.

Word Wars: The intense world of SPELLING BEES is captured. Where kids fear hearing the bell. Ding. Ding. Done.

And now some actual “Television Wars”

Storage Wars: 4 people bid on storage shelves for the contents inside. Essentially, they are bidding on cardboard boxes which contain junk at Goodwill for thousands of dollars. Let’s Make a Deal meets Antique’s Roadshow! +4

Storage Wars Texas: Same as the above, but with rednecks. WE GOT US A DUNE BUGGY GETRDUN

Parking Wars: Suprisingly not about cars fighting over a parking spot, it’s instead about people getting pissed at Meter Maids for giving them a ticket. All with unnecessary wav files thrown all over the place. Which makes it enjoyable. +3

Whale Wars: A hippie tries to protect the ocean by recreating everything he’s ever seen in the movie “Water World”. BOO BIG BUSINESS, YAY PETCO! -2

Craft Wars: A “Chopped” like game show in which homemakers try and do Martha Stewart type craft projects with the winner receiving $10,000. If you love seeing things get superglued on other things, this is the show for you. -1

Cupcake Wars: The Pillsbury Bake-Off, but with cupcakes. An just like “Craft Wars” it’s people competing against each other for $10,000 by trying to make the best “Almond Ginger Cupcake” among other disgusting ideas. I’m already trying to get used to Red Velvet Cake, don’t bring “Green Tea” into this! -1

Property Wars: High Stakes “Storage Wars” in which pedophile typecasts wearing bluetooth headsets try and bid on foreclosed houses in Phoenix, Arizona. The best part is when they bring in the “Listing Agent”, who has a big smile on her face at the start of the day, and ends up pissed and depressed when you hear them go “This is coming out of your commission”. +1

and my new favorite show.

Shipping Wars: People make bids on gigantic and worthless items, then they make bids on what company to “deliver” them back home. It’s the only show where that giant head of Eddie Murphy might actually be featured, in a non-ironic sense. +4

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