SALT N’ PIPA or “SOPA RANT #2414124124”

In an earlier Article I wrote called “Mischief. Mayhem. SOPA.” , I discussed the SOPA Protesting, and offered a realistic stance – Piracy is wrong and we should stop it. But if the bill passes, you should not be alarmed, as companies really wanted to use the bill to go after illegal peer-to-peer websites and not your fucking tumblr blog.

In an after-hours 2AM video, I mumbled something about how pathetic the “blackout thing is” or something. I really can’t even understand what I said, it sounded pretty terrible.

And now I am going to continue my bitching spree, yet again, on the internet.

Let’s suppose, for instance that this poorly drawn person is “The Internet”

He is everyone’s best friend, he lets you borrow his CD Collection, his Movie Collection and recently DVR’d episodes of Dexter.

But, oh no! He is getting sick! There is some sort of problem with him…

All we know about him is that “piracy” is what’s making him ill.

For the sake of making this metaphor even more confusing, we’re going to pretend that “The Doctor” is Media Corporations, Viacom, NBC-Universal, Whatever. And their remedy to fix the solution is with the “Stop Online Piracy Act”

Yes, it would stop the cure for “Piracy”, but at the same time completely obliterate what is “The Internet”

I mean, he’s still the internet, it’s just a bloody mess, with tissue and organs dripping out. If you don’t like the crappy drawings, you have to forgive me, my illustrator FUCKING DITCHED TO GO TO MAGFEST WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS!

Secondarily, there is a “Protect Intellectual Property Act”, which is nearly the same bill that goes to the senate. And the same effect happens if they go through with it – Internet goes boom. It cures the piracy, but also destroys the brain.

Both Congress and the Senate have the button, and if any of them push it, websites can be taken down for “breaking copyright”. Forget about “Freedom of Press” or “Freedom of Expression” or your precious “Fair Use” – it’s over! BUT HE’S CURED!

Doesn’t that sound terrible?

What is needed is a middle ground between both industries that can solve this problem, and make it operational again. It’s bad enough we had to fight Net Neutrality for a long time, but now there’s this. Create a bill that can make both sides happy, can promote creativity by both the mainstream media and the internet, promote businesses on both sides, and most importantly – create jobs.


Instead, what we got today was a bunch of boo hooing because “Wikipedia” is on lockdown for the day.

You can still view the website through “mobile wikipedia” or by cache. This idea is fantastic, because  it gives Jimmy Wales an excuse to get you to donate more money for his website.

Hello, my name is Jimmy Wales. Remember that thing we did in January regarding the Stop Online Piracy Act? Now imagine a world where that happened 24/7, 365 days a year? No more Wikipedia, at all. College Students will be shitting their pants because they didn’t research anything for their research assignments, High Schoolers will be upset because it gives them an excuse to search “vagina” and see free porn. Won’t you donate to give these kids access to public domain photographs of genitalia? I’m not asking for much, just a small donation of $100. The economy might be rough, but it’ll be rougher if I don’t get my fucking gold plated urinal.

That’s just the start of it, not only is that going on, but reddit is closing up shop for the day!

You wanted to see some cat videos today? Well fuck you, go find them yourself! CONGRESS IS GOING TO TAKE DOWN MY SITE.

EVEN “THE CHEEZBURGER NETWORK” closed down shop today, which came more across as “Please keep the internet free and open, so I can continue to become the Ebaums World of this generation and steal other people’s creativity so I can continue making a profit”. Fuck off!

And one of my favorite websites, has even decided to “Close Down” shop for the day, as a protest against SOPA. That way, you become so annoyed that you talk to your congressman about this!


Yeah, my fucking congressman is on the fucking panel, AND HE’S IN FULL SUPPORT OF IT!
Oh and my senator is Barbara Boxer… yep I’m pretty much screwed…

But here’s an actual question – Do you REALLY think taking down “Destructoid” or “Reddit” for the day really got a message to the congress and senate?

Something tells me Elton Gallegly never watched “Talking to Women about Video Games” and Barbara Boxer strikes me as a person not in grasp with “those internet nerds”.

The Approval Rating for Congress right now is at 13%, this means that you are relying on the lowest rated congress in American History to NOT fuck up and destroy the internet. I mean if they vote “yes”, what are you gonna do, not vote for them?

None of these “Blackout” things work, because all it’s doing is annoying your audience. It’s not really going to “fix” anything, nor is it giving a “sobering look at the future” should the bill gets passed.

But you know what did work today? This –

Today, Google decided to “censor” out it’s logo, it didn’t blackout it’s website, it just covered it’s iconic logo with a black bar, and when clicked will talk about this crooked bill. It’ll still let you access it’s website, and didn’t try to piss you off into writing to your congressman.

Every congressman has a laptop computer, and unless they somehow have “Bing” or “Yahoo!” as their homepage and main search engine, they will actually have to see this graphic every time they turn on their web browser throughout the day. This is all you needed to get the message out.

And no amount of “tweeting” will prove otherwise.

This whole day is a “First World Pains” joke, “Wikipedia is Down”, “I can’t check Reddit”, “I am refreshing a webpage and it’s not getting rid of the Blackout Thing”.


ScrewAttack’s “Stuttering Craig” teams up with “The Extra Credits Guy” and a couple other people you vaguely heard of to say “We’re not going to E3 this year, because the ESA supports SOPA”. I get it, you’re fucking pissed off over the “SOPA” thing, but look at yourself – you’re a fucking game journalist. The whole job of a “Game Journalist” is to promote fucking video games, give us updates on upcoming video games, company business news, sales figures, release dates, patch updates, DLC packs and deals. Your job is to give me, the consumer, valuable information in regards to video games. What new video games are coming out? Am I getting the most out of my money with this game? How is my favorite game developer doing businesswise? Was it a smart decision to buy a video game console opening day?

Yes, we get news about “Demo of Video Game Out Now!” and “Exclusive Trailer for Video Game!” from time to time, but lately it’s been “Fuck Capcom, they took out Mega Man Legends 3, BOYCOTT!” and “Fuck Ninja Theory, they are castrating Devil May Cry, BOYCOTT! and Fuck these game companies supporting SOPA, BOYCOTT!” You’re not a political journalist, you fucking write about video games for a living.

Are you going to write to Cliffy B about his thoughts on the Primaries, next? Perhaps we should be treated to an article about “How Homefront best represents the situation regarding our troops in Afghanistan”. Articles about rather a company is for-or-against a lobbying bill, isn’t “game journalism”, it’s strictly political. Your goal when writing those articles is to sway your readers into possibly “boycotting” a certain company because they promote something that you don’t like.

Even though EA, Nintendo and Sony all flip-floped and are now “Anti-SOPA”, I still would have bought their video games and products even if they we’re for it. I’m not going to “stop liking something” and “boycott” just because I disagree with them over something, such as these “Piracy Acts”, I am a natural consumer whore.

If you guys are going to “boycott” E3, can I have your press passes?

Stop treating this bill like it’s “The End of the World”, if it gets passed – it can easily be overturned by President Obama or The Supreme Court. If Barack Obama says it’s unconstitutional, which he alluded to earlier this week. All you really need to worry about is rather or not The Supreme Court is paying attention to this bill.

So yes, SOPA is an atomic bomb that will destroy the internet. It’s a crooked bill, and the reason many politicians are probably going through with this is because they we’re paid off by the MPAA, the same assholes who Invented PG-13. But we’re you surprised? Politicians getting paid to vote certain ways, please don’t tell me you’re that naive!

I think MY FAVORITE TWITTER said it best –

17 thoughts on “SALT N’ PIPA or “SOPA RANT #2414124124”

  1. Wait, Australia does this? Why was I not told about this?

  2. sopa sucks says:

    busy str-er, “jordan” is a asshole as always.

  3. Allrightyeah says:

    There was a proposed plan in Australia (That has not gone ahead, yet, as far as I know anyway, I was back home there only 3 months ago) to block a list of websites. As far as I can remember, the plan’s primary objective was to crack down on the distribution of illegal pornography rather than piracy stuff. But the plan was criticised as being misguided, since the distribution of illegal e-porn is apparently more commonly done through peer to peer file sharing programs.

    • poonoo says:

      It hasn’t been passed here, and probably won’t since I have heard nothing about it for a while. What shitted me about that plan was that the Blacklist wasn’t even going to show you WHY the site was banned, which makes it look suspicious. It also would have SLOWED DOWN the internet considerably, and would not have worked since there was a video that showed 5 ways to by-pass the filter in 2 minutes (can’t find it, but the filter blocked addresses and not urls, so you could add and asterix to bypass it). All this to stop “child porn”, even though that is done via P2P.

      Stephen Conroy (the man behind the bill) became a joke after that.

  4. Syzpid says:

    My spaghetti has eyes and a leg…

  5. Bentley says:

    You don’t care about piracy, you just want petty revenge against all those reviewers who became bigger successes than you will ever be, like a dog who barks because it has no bite. It’s sad really, you’re as easy to read as a book. Garbage Emporium? Couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Assuming you could call those reviews, of course. That said, this bill will backfire on your website and trigger its dismissal from the internet. I, amongst countless others, will immediately dismiss anything from your so-called busy street on the grounds that the information here is dubious quite simply because the administrators are lacking. I don’t see any meaningful traffic here…perhaps you may be inclined to call this “empty street.” However, in the event you are illiterate and/or uneducated, I am certain you will understand this version. COOL STORY BRO. U MAD?

    • Jordan says:

      Sup Daniel.
      If this site has zero traffic, then I have nothing to worry about in case SOPA does get passed. Because those zero viewers INCLUDE those from “the higher ups” who would take down this very website.

      • Okay, so I guess the SOPA bill (even if it passes or not) won’t care that you have entire episodes of cartoons and full movies on your Livestream channel just with your friends commentaries on them?

        • Jordan says:

          Not according to Bentley, nope.

          Plus, we are rarely commentating on the movie, it just becomes “talking over the movie” and we have a conversation about something that rarely is about the movie. So thanks for stopping by Joel, You are clearly the expert on “SOPA”.

  6. In essence, I don’t believe this bill stands much of a chance. To many important players have backed out already, and Obama himself has stated that he’ll veto it if it becomes a necessity. As Bently mentioned, this bill will take out your site along with everyone else’s.

    You gain nothing if this passes, and for what? A trivial, pathetic grudge from something long ago? Turn your computer off. Go turn your sever off, and tell your ISP that you’re cancelling your plan. Go take a walk, rethink your life, and perhaps further your education. Perhaps then, you’ll realise that this world is about contributing something corporal and useful to it rather than posting meaningless banter somewhere with minimal impact.

    Bently puts this mildly, and for the sake of comedy (which I am sure others will find amusing): if you are ignorant to this degree, then in simple terms you will understand: Y U SO SRS?

    • Jordan says:

      if you have any questions regarding what the hell the following comment was, please email “” for details.

    • “Perhaps then, you’ll realise that this world is about contributing something corporal and useful to it rather than posting meaningless banter somewhere with minimal impact.”

      This is probably one of the most ironic statements I’ve ever read on this site. Possibly on any website for that matter.

  7. PRC says:

    “In essence, I don’t believe this bill stands much of a chance. To many important players have backed out already, and Obama himself has stated that he’ll veto it if it becomes a necessity. As Bently mentioned, this bill will take out your site along with everyone else’s.”

    Is this the same Obama that said he would veto the National Defense Authorization Act that he was against but SIGNED INTO LAW REGARDLESS?

    Know what I don’t want to hear anyone bitching about censorship unless they support local media outlets. Oh but fuck having a free and available media outlet in one’s own area because LOL old media.

  8. Gatorade says:

    Finally someone who shares my opinion on this retarded blackout day. I spoke out on my Facebook about how its all going to accomplish nothing, and the based on the backash from my friends you’d think I admitted to being a serial child murderer. And I love how NDAA passed with barely a mention on the news and the internet. People clearly are okay with being detained for whatever reason, but damnit don’t fuck around with their ability to download music and movies illegally. You know what would be great? If everyone who bawwed on their Facebooks and Twitters about SOPA and PIPA today ended up detained because of NDAA.

  9. ryoku75 says:

    Sometimes I wonder if the black-out did more harm than good. Yes, Googles means of sending the message was the best.

    To be honest, this isn’t far from the Orphaned Works scare from a few years back, while SOAP may be much worse I do believe that both were hyped up largely for views.

    That and if people just did their own things and used their money wisely they’d be able to cope with this bill.

    Of course, this is unless if they were some random kid in England who was arrested by the FBI.

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